It hurts. I know. It certainly does. It burns your throat when you think about it. It makes your heart palpitate. You skip beats. You close your eyes and wish you were someone else. When you know that you are the wife but you feel no love. You know for a fact–and hospital papers at least–that you are the son or daughter but you don’t feel that. You recognize that you are the husband but you feel like you don’t exist. It hurts. I know.
You are not alone. Yes, but it doesn’t mean that it is ok to keep on going and lose more years of your precious life trying so hard to please someone who doesn’t feel your existence. It hurts. I know.
You spent time working on the relationship. You thought what you had was a very strong bond. After all he is your dad, she is you mom, he is your better half….oh so sweet. Now what? Time goes by and you are burning from the inside trying. Yes you are trying. Now what?
Unfortunately, there are a lot of stories about people who devoted their lives to certain beings in their orbit. So sad how they end up alone and devastated. You have to stop sometimes and analyze. Analyze with an open eye and a focused mind. Toxic individuals who use you up and never look back to check on you usually leave you brain fogged and unable to focus. They exhaust you and your ability to think to the point that you even forget that your life matters to you.
Sometimes we are paired with people who are bad in one thing or a couple of things. For example, the husband is cheap and doesn’t like to dress up nicely. If you can live with that and actually tolerate it and it doesn’t affect your mental and emotional states, then great. Stay if you wish, assuming you love each other and other aspects about him are tolerable. He just happened to have a bad, yet tolerable thing about him. After all, we are not perfect. Also, what may work for you may not work for others. Maybe your friend would have asked for a divorce a long time ago if she were the one married to him.
On the other hand, if the wife is straight up mean and nasty with you, doesn’t respect a thing about you, disregards your emotions, but is nice and gentle with others, then I think you have to pause and think. Your judgment should not be clouded. It is your life and future on the line here. Is it really worth it to stay? Do you have kids? Are they suffering too? Are you thinking straight and seeing things as they are? Who is benefiting from your stay? How long can you put up with this relationship without losing your mind, dignity, friends, family, and future hopes? How many times have you been promised a change and it never comes? How many times have you been promised a different ending but it doesn’t look like it?
In a toxic relationship, hope keeps us alive but depression is always looming and hanging on top of us like a close friend. Toxic people around us make sure that we keep no friends and no personal goals or aspirations. We live empty because they are empty and we are supposed to mirror them for them to feel good.
Always remember that it hurts but you don’t have to stay. Yes, your life should matter to you. The price you are paying is way too high and the sooner you take charge of your life the better it is for you. There are relationships that don’t leave you even if you leave. But your life is worth working for. It hurts. But remember you are not alone. Go back to family and friends and find refuge in life itself. It is worth it.
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