It’s not an easy feat, that being assertive. However, we need to learn so that we can enjoy our lives to its full potential.
Lately, I’ve been having multiple things going on in one day that would require a quick decision. A decision that needs a firm yes or no. Do it or don’t do kind of things. The consequences might be difficult to swallow, like leaving a class that I was waiting for to open or losing a privilege or even straining my health to the point of getting stressed or sick.
We all face difficult moments where we have to make a decision right on the spot. But the worst decision-making moment in my opinion is when we make a decision and people around us try to make us change it. Some other times people don’t try to persuade us to change it rather they guilt trip us. Also sometimes the person is shy and can’t be assertive enough to show that this is my opinion and I’m sticking to it. Before we know it, opinion is changed and we are left to regret.
Regret is the worst feeling ever. It is worse than sadness and it eats you up. It makes us question a lot of our abilities and decision-making strategies and our outlook on things around us. It keeps us awake at night questioning the why and the what-ifs. I think that when we change our minds and consequently change our decision we blame ourselves and that is that. But when we listen to others or become “shy” and submit to others, then it hurts more. Forgiving ourselves becomes much harder.
So, we better have a backup plan. A plan to the rescue whenever we are faced with a situation that needs a decision. Better yet, we need to be equipped with the skill set and the mindset to make decisions based on facts, or systematic thinking, or going with our guts and making the decision and sticking to it.
Decision-making based on facts and systematic thinking is the easy part. All what we have to do is:
- Research the topic: Go to Google and research whatever it is you’re looking for. Go to the library and check out books. Buy books.
- Call the experts on the matter you are trying to know about. If it is related to health, then call a doctor or make an appointment with one. Ask a friend who knows about it. If at school, seek an advisor or a teacher. Consult a social organization personnel.
- Look for it in Apps.
I mean, the sky’s the limit when it comes to researching something to make a decision. Make a document or a spreadsheet and compare the results. Weigh in the pros and cons. See what fits with your time, budget, social circumstance, kids if you have any, etc…. Then make an informed decision. The key here is to stick to it and if it fails you learn from your mistake so it doesn’t happen again. Then move on.
The problem is in the process when others are involved to try to make you change your decision although you were going with it. It is the guilt tripping and lack of assertiveness to please others. It might also be to compensate for the lack of decision making capabilities and to blame others if your decision was wrong.
To be assertive, it doesn’t mean that you have to be rude and hurt others. It simply means that you stick to your decision no matter what others show or say. It means being confident in yourself and abilities even if you don’t think that you are–because you should be confident. It means that others should take you seriously and know that you mean what you say and that they can’t take advantage of you.
Let us know what you think and how you will start being more assertive.
Doaa Abou Sharbin is a freelancer and contributor to The DZSH Group. You can find her at Twitter:
See Also:
